Standing in the tunnel at Stade Sylvio Cator, everything felt right.

I felt the anticipation and excitement. To that point, we had a couple days of training, and I felt sharp and prepared. It was just, like, ‘let’s make this happen.’

This is what I’d been doing for almost a decade professionally.

Just now, I’m in a different jersey.

Two years ago, I was making my first appearance for Haiti. It might have been a friendly against St. Kitts and Nevis, but it was the culmination of a journey that had been a long time coming.

The funny thing is, that moment didn’t really set in until I came back to my club. Over my career, I’ve played with and against other international players. Now, I had a different link to that connection in terms of how players start to approach you and talk to you, because you have had that experience.

A bit of it is fortune, just being connected to a country that I’m able to play for and represent, having that background, but it’s also an extra star to the badge of being professional.

Now, I’m hoping I can help my country reach the World Cup.

Knowing Your Roots

Growing up in New Jersey, I learned about my family’s history and upbringing.

My parents grew up in Haiti, immersed in their culture, close to the capital of Port-au-Prince but in a more rural area toward the hills. They remember walking to school, having some family pets, a few chickens in the house, and enjoying a more laid-back lifestyle.

Eventually, though, they came to the United States, following their family.

My dad’s mother, Lisa, was the first of his family to come to the United States. She was very much a matriarch of the family, a very strong figure. Everyone looked up to her for her guidance and wisdom.

She was followed by my aunts, uncles, and their brothers and sisters followed them as well. Then a lot of other Haitian families – not even direct relatives, but people I call my aunts, uncles and cousins anyway – followed suit to my grandma’s household in Asbury Park.

We’d drive by the house all the time. They still go to the local church in that area, and my grandma’s a pillar of the community in that sense. To be able to attend that church, understand the lives that have been directly impacted just because of that Haitian connection, it is really special.

In Haiti, there’s definitely a rich and storied history that is reflective of the country’s broader social context. Being the first country to gain independence from slavery, and achieving that against the French colonialists, there’s a sense of pride among Haitians and Caribbean Islanders in that specific regard.

It might sound a bit contentious, but there’s also a rebellious spirit Haitians are proud of, and I think that holds true relative to the rest of the Caribbean.

Finding The Path “Home”

Even with that surrounding me growing up, I still felt a closer association to the United States. Coming up as a young player, I represented the U.S. on the field all the way up to the U-18s and U-20s.

At the same time, as I turned pro, I gained a greater understanding of the gravity of representing your country. I had remained connected with my Haitian roots. Obviously, with my parents growing up there, and having family there, my uncles were always kind of pestering me. My one uncle, Max, in particular, was always on me.

“When are you going to play for Haiti? When are you going to do it?”

As my career progressed, it made sense. Not just from a sense of professional opportunity, but from a personal sense that making the switch later in my career would be a great opportunity to connect with that aspect of my culture.

In 2019, when I was at Reno 1868 FC, I got the call.

For me, it felt like a recognition of the quality and level I had been playing at, a nice sort of acknowledgement to say, “hey, you’ve been on our radar, and you’ve earned that right to be on our radar and to receive this call to represent your country.”

That was a really nice moment, a reward for the work I’d put in.

But there was still a hurdle to overcome – arranging and acquiring a Haitian passport.

It was quite a logistical nightmare. The biggest issue for me was a bit of naivety. Not understanding Haitian Creole didn’t help either as I was trying to fill out paperwork and figure out where the nearest Haitian embassy was located.

Eventually, I figured that during the offseason, I’ll be back in New York, I can go to the consulate there and get everything arranged. I ended up going there, filling out some paperwork. Then, in the months that followed, the pandemic shut everything down. Where my passport paperwork ended up, I still have no idea.

So, I just let it simmer. I kept reaching out and calling the Haitian embassy, but at that point neither the officials or the Haitian coaches were following up or checking in with me.

At the same time, it felt like a sign – it’s not meant to be at this time.

Renewal and Reward

It took a few years, but in 2023, Haiti appointed Gabriel Calderon as its new manager. Suddenly, I was back on the radar again.

There was just one problem – the same as before.

“You have your passport?”

“Well, no, I haven't had the chance,” I told them.

“Well, what's going on, why don’t you have it?”

I had to get to work. Working with my technical staff here at the Switchbacks, I finally got it done. At that point, it was like, “I’ll move heaven and earth to try to make it happen this second time, whatever it takes to make it happen.”

This time, I was fortunate. It went a lot more smoothly, and after I went to Florida to visit the embassy, I was able to get the paperwork submitted and acquired my passport in time for the summer.

At that point, it felt real for the first time.

As I arrived at national team camp for the first time, though, I was still apprehensive.

My biggest worry was the language barrier. There was a concern over whether I’d understand everything, how it was all going to work out and whether I’d be able to figure it out.

But what was calming was the fundamental thing – we’ve been in football environments. I’d been in the football environment at that point in my career for years, and my new teammates were guys at the top of their game.

It was very, very welcoming.

We have a great group of guys. A handful of them speak English. The ones that don’t, we have our rapport and our connection. They’re nice enough to try to understand each other. A lot of people translate. The staff at the time spoke Spanish. Most guys speak French or Creole. And then there was an American contingent that speaks English. It’s very, very multicultural, and the guys are welcoming.

Everyone's understanding that, you know, people are from different places, but we’re all going to get along.

Chasing World Cup Dreams

Now, we’re all focused on this fall, and qualifying for next summer’s World Cup.

I think we’re in a great place.

After the Gold Cup this summer, we were a little disappointed with how it unfolded, with the results, but we felt the play that we actually played, we felt dominant in those games, and just had some unfortunate circumstances that didn’t go in our favor.

From the way we played in qualifying leading up to that tournament, the way the groups have come together, how the core is really solidified, it’s really positive.

We’re optimistic heading into the final round of qualifiers.

The only thing I’m sad about is we’re missing the opportunity to play in Haiti. Some of the guys who are older and have more experience have had the opportunity to play on our home turf, and to me it’s just a different experience to play for your country, in your country. The energy, the atmosphere, the support is just on a whole other level.

That’s a challenge that I foresee moving forward, but it’s not a big challenge. We’ve been doing it for all the qualifiers prior to now, so we’re going to take that on the road a little bit for those qualifiers in Curaçao.

What all of us know is each game, in and of itself, is you need to win. With the round-robin format, it’s not quite win-or-go-home, but each time you win, you’re putting yourself in a better position to qualify. That makes each game extremely important. After all, you’re going directly against the teams who want to achieve the same thing.

Bringing It Back Home

As we prepare for our first games in this final stage of World Cup Qualifying, the biggest thing for me is to have a loose focus. You have that goal and that carrot at the end of the stick, but you have to really focus on the right here, right now, and that’s the first match. Then, once you do the first match, you focus on the next match. You can’t look too far ahead of yourself, or else you will itrip up.

The World Cup is the ultimate goal, the ultimate carrot at the end of stick, but you’re really just focusing on, “hey, let’s play the first game of the group.”

At the same time, reaching the World Cup? I mean, it would be incredible.

On a professional level, that’s the epitome of the game, and to be able to have the opportunity to participate in that with my country would be unbelievable.

I think as a nation, I think a lot of what Haiti has gone through has been really challenging. From my perspective, sports can be a vehicle to help alleviate some pain. It’s not a cure for anything, by any means – I just kick a ball for a living – but there is joy that can be brought from the game.

To be able to put your country, Haiti, in a group stage at the World Cup for the first time in two generations is the epitome of joy in the sport.

That would be special.

And for my family, they would be beyond ecstatic, especially given the World Cup will be held here in the United States, the country that’s become their second home.

To compete in the United States while also having those Haitian roots, I think that would be a beautiful culmination of our lived cultural experiences.

As the person who would be able to do that in front of my family, there might be nothing more special.